December is a month filled with wonderful joys but also brings complicated relationships with family and friends, changes in routine, and more travel than we’re used to. If your child is anxious already, then their grief may contribute to even further anxiety. Changes to their routine may make it hard for them to balance joy and sadness/grief. You may find this is true for you as well.
There are a few skills that may help you help you and your children make it through this year’s holidays. One thing we suggest is for you to model healthy behavior and coping skills for your children. This could look like taking deep breaths while engaging in positive self-talk when working through frustrations. You can explain what you’re doing to your kids when they see you, and they may start doing it themselves.
It is also helpful to create routines and plans for situations that you know make your children anxious. It will take a little more time, but before you go on that family trip run through the schedule with your kids and tell them what to expect. This open communication may also encourage your children to open up about what else may be making them anxious. Together talk about ways they can help themselves feel better when encountering anxiety-producing situations.
Finally, prepare your kids for any upcoming significant changes. Suppose you know that a beloved holiday tradition will change, or that someone new will be at the holiday celebration, or that travel plans will look different than they normally do. Take the time to prepare yourself and your children for these changes. Talk about how things might look different or feel for them, consider together any new details that you may not have thought about (i.e., the time it takes to travel somewhere new, or what the weather at that place will be). Invest in the time needed to model good coping skills and talking through these changes as a family.
It’s good to remember that the holidays can be a complicated time for many people, whether you’ve lost someone or not. We all have our limits and ways that we can grow. Try to have grace for yourself and your children during this time. After all, we are all going through life for the first time, and that means we won’t always have all the answers. Keep moving forward one step at a time, take those deep breaths, and give yourself and your kids plenty of grace.